Last night Linda and I went out to celebrate our 56^th anniversary. We celebrated the fact that we had not only grown old together, but grown up together. We talked about a lot of things that happened a long time ago and looked at our wedding pictures. We also appreciated the fact that Tucker, not exactly a culinary capital, had a new restaurant where the food was outstanding.

In all it was a celebration that wasn’t important to anyone but Linda and me and probably to our children. But it was a cause to pause and reflect.

When I told someone we were about to have our 56^th anniversary, he said, “That’s great. Married to the same woman for 56 years.”

And that’s where he was wrong. Not about it being great. It is. But not the same woman. Over our married life, I’ve been married to three or four different women, and Linda has been married to 3 or 4 different men.

That’s probably a good thing. I can’t believe that Linda would want to live for this many years with the naïve, head-full-of-dreams man that she married. What’s attractive at 21 is very strange more than half a century later, much like some of the rockers we see still touring into their dotage.

I can’t pinpoint the times I went from one person to another. It’s a gradual process. There are, of course, markers. Like the week I bought a sports car and a sail boat. I knew I was trying to stave off middle age, but it came anyway. Then it went.

I think the problem that hurts many marriages may well be that the partners don’t understand this.

“You’re not the man (woman) I married,” she (he) yells.

And the correct response should be: “And you should be very happy for that.”

In any long marriage, there are probably good times and bad times. I think the good times are when the partners are in sync, when their concurrent changes hit a harmonious spot. Conversely, the bad times are when the points in the change process are out of sync. The thing to remember is that, since the change process, is continuous, what you need to do is hang on. The synchronization will come again.

There are, however, basics that should be observed, no matter what point the marriage is at.

Doing thoughtful things is important. It may be easier if you’re young and hormonal, but it’s probably more important when each partner is dealing with the pain of growing older.

Being respectful of each of other is important no matter where in the marriage spectrum you are. If you love someone, you care about what they think, what they say, and how they act toward you. Disrespect tears that down.

Romance is important at the beginning and toward the end, although the definition changes along the way. For instance, I’m sure that my getting Linda’s car inspected was more romantic than yet another bunch of flowers or box of chocolates. Romance ceases to be flames and becomes nice warm embers. Maybe not as impressive, but much more enduring.

In 56 years there are things that we treasure and things we’d sooner forget. But that’s real life. That’s the reason we vowed for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. In our married life, we’ve dealt with every one of those things, and last night we were sitting in a somewhat too noisy restaurant eating very good food and remembering the parts that we wanted to.

That, in itself, is worth celebrating. 'Til death do we part.